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“The sky is not the same shade of blue
“Every single thing
“I believe isn’t true
“Missing in a maze of monochrome
“How did I get here
“How can I go home?”
“The echoes in my eyes
“Of all they used to see
“Burning down the world
“The ashes and debris
“And all that’s left of me
“Non-entity”
“Try to stand in line
“Try to obey
“The ghosts of what I was keep getting in the way
“Staring at the sun
“Blinded by the light
“Now I’m afraid I’m fading out of sight”
“The echoes in my eyes
“Of all they used to see
“Burning down the world
“Ashes and debris
“And all that’s left of you
“And all that’s left of me
“All have washed away
“Non-entity”
" The closer we get to the core of our heartache, may feel more intense, more sad, but different is true. When we face our heartache with a certain kind of truth, not masking it, it's almost unbearable. But what can come with that is as my teacher told me, where the river merges with the ocean and we merge into something bigger, into our more sublime being.
I'm not so sure about "letting go" - yes we need to let go, but I've been contemplating this idea. It's not so simple. Our ego doesn't just let us do this without a fight. So more unwanted emotions arise. You just need reminders of what a glorious young woman you are. You have such a big heart - it's been messed up a bit and you agreed in some way to agree to other's misunderstanding of your heart. You haven't believed in yourself enough to throw off the misconceptions - people haven't seen your goodness. So time to find people who will.
I love your goodness. Your sweetness. Your openness. I love you and your pain. You are more "normal" than most people, in my opinion! How about a little chuckle over that!!!
Sending you gobs of comfort and joy. Jesse "
Posted by Leanna - Tuesday, September 30, 2014 - 10:11pm
“I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those grey days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks-accidentally-and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive.”
— Augusten Burroughs, Running With Scissors
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Posted by Leanna - Tuesday, September 30, 2014 - 2:47pm
Sleepwalking, also known as somnambulism or noctambulism, is a sleep disorder belonging to the parasomnia family. Sleepwalkers arise from the slow wave sleep stage in a state of low consciousness and perform activities that are usually performed during a state of full consciousness. Sleepwalkers often have little or no memory of the incident, as their consciousness has altered into a dreamlike state in which the barrier between imagination and reality is obscured and indistinct.
