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I have lots of things to teach you now, in case we ever meet, concerning the message that was transmitted to me under a pine tree in North Carolina on a cold winter moonlit night. It said that Nothing Ever Happened, so don't worry. It's all like a dream. Everything is ecstasy, inside. We just don't know it because of our thinking-minds. But in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright forever and forever and forever. Close your eyes, let your hands and nerve-ends drop, stop breathing for three seconds, listen to the silence inside the illusion of the world, and you will remember the lesson you forgot, which was taught in immense milky way soft cloud innumerable worlds long ago and not even at all. It is all one vast awakened thing. I call it the golden eternity. It is perfect. We were never really born, we will never really die. It has nothing to do with the imaginary idea of a personal self, other selves, many selves everywhere: Self is only an idea, a mortal idea. That which passes into everything is one thing. It’s a dream already ended. The world you see is just a movie in your mind. Bless and sit down. Forgive and forget. Practice kindness all day to everybody and you will realize you’re already in heaven now.
Jack Kerouac
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Posted by Leanna - Monday, March 17, 2014 - 5:40am
' I think about death when I’m awake and the world is sleeping. I think about heaven and angels and dying. I see flowers. I see flowers and colors and sometimes I see people. Sometimes I hear them. I’m never in reality. When everyone else is living reality I’m living a dream. My emotions are much deeper and longer lasting than other people. I feel things that most people ignore out of ignorance or pure inability to feel. I feel too much. I feel so much that it hurts me to feel. There is always more than little. Everything we do, everything we feel, every soul we touch echoes on for eternity. And that eternity can be seconds or forevermore. Time is different here. Time doesn’t exist here. I dissect and evaluate the world around me. The moon, the stars, the sun. When I am lost or think too deeply I just remind myself that those things are just a part of me. Those things are me in a different form. Those things are me eternal. The thoughts that I choose not to divulge are the thoughts that haunt me, the thoughts from lifetimes ago. I think too much about yesterday and I think too much about tomorrow too. I don’t know why I do that. Instead I should think about now. I think too much about doing the right thing because I spent so much of my lives doing the wrong things. I want to get it right this time. I don’t want to forget this time. I want to remember every tear, every heartache, every obstacle that I’ve overcome because I don’t want to ever go back to that place again. I think it’s sad how everybody has hurt someone else. And I think it’s sad because I think that sometimes people are so hurt inside themselves that they cannot help to hurt other people, even regardless of how carefully they’ve lived their lives to avoid doing so. It breaks my heart again and again. I think about sadness a lot. Even within my happiness there is always sadness because I know that it can be taken away. I don’t like living here. I can’t wait to go home where everything is forever. So I spend my days and nights in fields of flowers and stars. We are all ghosts. All ghosts are women. '
'I tried to forget
But you grew roots around my ribcage
And sprouted flowers just below my collarbones
All day I pluck their petals
But I have not yet ascertained
Whether you love me
Or not.'
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Posted by Leanna - Sunday, March 9, 2014 - 10:00pm
‘And when we were satiated, far beyond words of love or lust, we quietly stared, each into the eyes of the other, and watched as diamonds danced in the light. Diamonds twinkling in your eyes... diamonds dripping down your neck... diamonds, your diamonds... dripping from the core of me... all made like jewels by the light of the fire, forged in the fires of our fucking. This then is love, I thought to myself.’
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Posted by Leanna - Monday, March 3, 2014 - 11:00pm
Do you have stars
in your mouth?
she asks
and I laugh,
she’s never tasted
winter like I have,
midnights that linger
for days. Yes,
I tell her. Come see.
Will there be breath?
For a while, I whisper
and blow on her hands,
but you will sing
and the aurora lights
will walk across the ice.
She lets me
put my hands on her. Will I die? her hair
like snow.
Yes. I tell her.
Every time.
