Administrator's blog | Leanna Banana

some day, when I'm awfully low. . .

"Some day, when I'm awfully low

When the world is cold

I will feel a glow just thinking of you

And the way you look tonight"

time passed. time past.

Time passed. But time flows in many streams. Like a river, an inner stream of time will flow rapidly at some places and sluggishly at others, or perhaps even stand hopelessly stagnant. Cosmic time is the same for everyone, but human time differs with each person. Time flows in the same way for all human beings; every human being flows through time in a different way.

- from Beauty and Sadness

"

Forgiveness is not a matter of exonerating people who have hurt you. They may not deserve exoneration. Forgiveness means cleansing your soul of the bitterness of ‘what might have been,’ ‘what should have been,’ and ‘what didn’t have to happen.’ Someone has defined forgiveness as ‘giving up all hope of having had a better past.’ What’s past is past and there is little to be gained by dwelling on it. There are perhaps no sadder people then the men and women who have a grievance against the world because of something that happened years ago and have let that memory sour their view of life ever since.
"

*

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" She was the kind of girl who could make you think your life was not complete unless she was in it. "

— Adi Alsaid

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Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines. Teaching ourselves to love is a delicate art that is based in imagination. There are many types of love in this world and if we are lucky as well as brave, we will allow ourselves to experience the nothingness that becomes formulated into the somethingness which gives us the shape and definition of being human. Our unhappiness is the consequence of our actions, and our actions are the consequence of our choice… We only think we are thirsting for love, for the truth of the matter is, what we do takes us further away. Once we experience our own humanity and therefore our own vanity, only then will we experience true freedom. Our purpose on earth is not to manipulate things, but to meet each other in living encounters. To see ourselves within the other. The time we have is barely long enough to learn how to love one another, and no one can learn this for us. No matter how we may search outside ourselves for the he or she who will save us from the burden of our freedom, no matter where we travel in our searching, if the message we find in the other is authentic, it will send us right back to ourselves. Tonight I got lost and found myself among the stars.
.

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"Her body carries clouds
all the way home."
- Anne Sexton

.

' love is so short ;

.

forgetting is so long '

eclipse of the moon

"I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance."
- Beryl Markham, 'West with the Night'

'Non-Entity'

“The sky is not the same shade of blue
“Every single thing
“I believe isn’t true
“Missing in a maze of monochrome
“How did I get here
“How can I go home?”

“The echoes in my eyes
“Of all they used to see
“Burning down the world
“The ashes and debris
“And all that’s left of me
“Non-entity”

“Try to stand in line
“Try to obey
“The ghosts of what I was keep getting in the way
“Staring at the sun
“Blinded by the light
“Now I’m afraid I’m fading out of sight”

“The echoes in my eyes
“Of all they used to see
“Burning down the world
“Ashes and debris
“And all that’s left of you
“And all that’s left of me
“All have washed away
“Non-entity”

Trent Reznor, ‘Non-Entity’

via

I love you,

I put a spell on you,
because you're mine.

.

The path that leads you astray will ultimately lead you Home.
.

*

If you can't tell if it is killing you or making you stronger
just remember -
you couldn't tell the last time either.
*

"Comfort and Joy."

" The closer we get to the core of our heartache, may feel more intense, more sad, but different is true. When we face our heartache with a certain kind of truth, not masking it, it's almost unbearable. But what can come with that is as my teacher told me, where the river merges with the ocean and we merge into something bigger, into our more sublime being.
I'm not so sure about "letting go" - yes we need to let go, but I've been contemplating this idea. It's not so simple. Our ego doesn't just let us do this without a fight. So more unwanted emotions arise. You just need reminders of what a glorious young woman you are. You have such a big heart - it's been messed up a bit and you agreed in some way to agree to other's misunderstanding of your heart. You haven't believed in yourself enough to throw off the misconceptions - people haven't seen your goodness. So time to find people who will.
I love your goodness. Your sweetness. Your openness. I love you and your pain. You are more "normal" than most people, in my opinion! How about a little chuckle over that!!!

Sending you gobs of comfort and joy.
Jesse "

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“I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those grey days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks-accidentally-and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive.”

— Augusten Burroughs, Running With Scissors

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“The distance between the crowd, between the others and me, grows wider …
I feel the distance like a wound.”

— Anaïs Nin, House of Incest

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this breaks my heart because of the truth behind it.

some people

are meant

to fall in

love

with each

other

but not meant

to be

together

*

:

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, 1920

"Spirits surround us on every side..."
:

:*

"the somnambulist"

Sleepwalking, also known as somnambulism or noctambulism, is a sleep disorder belonging to the parasomnia family. Sleepwalkers arise from the slow wave sleep stage in a state of low consciousness and perform activities that are usually performed during a state of full consciousness. Sleepwalkers often have little or no memory of the incident, as their consciousness has altered into a dreamlike state in which the barrier between imagination and reality is obscured and indistinct.

via
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"You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space."
- Johnny Cash

.

'

"Sleepless Blossom" by Stephen Mackey

'bring me all of your dreams
you dreamer,
bring me all your
heart melodies
that I may wrap them
in a blue cloud-cloth
away from the too-rough fingers
of the world'

'

'It was only a dream.' Thursday, September 25, 2014

I don’t know what to say other than I’ve been feeling empty as empty can be. It seems as if my life is a circle- a great, big, vast circle that is never ending and eternal and I have witnessed personally that the beginning of something is always reminiscent of the end; it will persist in repeating and replaying itself over and over until the rightful lessons are learned and the important pieces are taken with you and carried within the pocket that is your heart. Now I have truly recognized that when personalities and situations reappear it is because you haven’t learned the first time, therefore you must get it right, you must pass these “tests” until you are able to forgive yourself and move on. “Remembering” is what we call it. Forgiving oneself is the key piece in all of this. If you do not forgive, you are unable to forget. Dwelling within any negative past memories is counterproductive and not what the Soul was meant for. The Soul is meant to grow and stretch and prosper with any and new experiences; never dwelling and wallowing in sorrow but taking your sorrow and turning it into joy. Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. Remember that eternal life is not far at all. ‘The enduring life is the one that begins once we awaken from this world. And it is in that awakening that we realize... It was only a dream.’

:

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Why do we fall?

.

'

Borrowed time and borrowed world and borrowed eyes with which to sorrow it.
'

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'It is not only light that falls over the world spreading inside your body

As if you were on fire within;

The moon lives in the lining of your skin.'

— Pablo Neruda, from Ode to a Beautiful Nude
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red

it is the reflection of the setting sun in her eyes. it is the hue of the tears that she cries deep into her pillow when she believes that everyone else is asleep. it is the echo of your heartbeat when you hold her against you. it is the taste of her kiss. it is the way that she shushes you with her fingertip against your lips, lingering like an endless sentence though nothing is spoken. it is the remnant of lust that you leave all over her body in the throes of passion. it is the sound of her orgasm. it is the dying ember of your last cigarette. it is the scent of her perfume on your sheets after you wake alone in an empty bed. it is the wound that the razor leaves on porcelain skin. it is the shade of the weeping flowers abandoned in the hallway. it is the burning ache of your broken heart. it is the color of love.

http://animalmouthpoetry.blogspot.com/2013/09/red.html

::

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"Kiss" by Veronica Ebert

Ancient lovers believed a kiss would literally unite their souls,
because the spirit was said to be carried in one's breath.

;