Administrator's blog

2017/01/08 (Epiphany Sunday)

(This photo was captured a year ago this time of late winter, when the floral scent here is so heavily laden in the air, it permeates your dreams.)

I'm a bit delayed for this, a week or so, but I must say thank you to the universe and to the powers that be, for this otherworldly experience. It is approaching the two year anniversary since I arrived to the west coast for the first time, to begin this new phase of my life and follow my dreams.

The reason I pen this now, after much deliberation, is because this is a year of great change (for all of us); I can feel it in my bones. Now more than ever, it is an integral time to consider what to carry with us to the future for the purposes of growth and expansion... and what no longer serves us, what is best left behind for the past to swallow.

That being said, I am going to be progressing forward in a novel way from times of previous, to pursue endeavors more on path with my true calling. This work will involve the further leaving of my old ways of thinking, former life, and former self behind. Although saying goodbye is always bittersweet (for it was once a part of me)... I am more so looking forward to becoming the change we wish to see in the world around us.

I am not afraid of what the future holds. And in fact, the longer I wait in this interval of anticipation, all the more the hunger for transformation rises within me. And so deeply my longing for it stirs that I become something else entirely.

Thank you Brian for the unconditional love and support on this crazy journey. I couldn't have done this with anyone else. I look forward to the magic we will experience together in the coming year. Thank you for inspiring me everyday to be the best version of myself I can be.

Here's to a better world for all of us. Happy New Year.

(à bientôt)


The time has come.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings.


We'll live today--

Like cabbages and kings!"
--Lewis Carroll 


"There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you,

and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself."
--Lemony Snicket


The time has come.  

Thank you for the constant support you have shown me over the years.  
I couldn't have come as far as I have without your love.  

Stay tuned for beautiful works of mine in the making.  
I hope to surprise myself above all else.  
In the meantime, if you like, you may find glimpses of me here,
amidst places of secret. 

See you soon.


She said to me in a dream,



A new relationship is about to blossom.  You will be blessed.

9.  16.  17.  22.  25.  46.  





the manifestation of christ to the gentiles as represented by the magi (matthew 2:1–12).

the festival commemorating the epiphany on january 6.

a manifestation of a divine or supernatural being.

a moment of sudden revelation or insight.


The Father.

(A subject of reverie I've been meaning to touch upon for some time now.)

"The dream images representing the father are many: god; bull; giant; tyrant; executioner; devil; pan; older man; male leader figure; older male rival; holy man or priest; dominating boss; wizard; wise old man; the sun– and of course, your father.

The father archetype is partly about how we feel about being capable, productive, and creative in the outer world. It is about protectiveness and strength, about know-how and knowledge of the world.  It may show how we deal with authority or those we see as having power.

In a personal sense, it echoes what sense you have of being supported or undermined by your background of life experience and parents. So although it involves your parents, it is much wider than that. For instance it also includes how you relate to your own life process.  Do you feel secure that life upholds you and supports, or do you feel life is constantly a chaotic and meaningless accident within which you can easily get fatally ill or killed?  Does life uphold or seek to destroy you?  Or is life completely impersonal and uncaring?"

For a woman dreamer, your connection with the father image (your initial experiences or memories involving an older male influence) is of utmost importance in the way you relate in relationships; and also the manner in which you cope to the world outside the life of the home.  The negative father image involves domination, abuse of power and authority, or neglect of the child's needs.  Conflict of this type can lead to feelings of not being loved or capable of love.  

These dreamful intimacies represent the childhood desire to possess, own, or be loved by father.  It might also demonstrate gaining power over a father figure-- someone you may have needed support or love from and never receiving it.  As a child, one feels they might do anything to gain this love-- and so these feelings you have burdened all your life bleed through to the subconscious.  

field notes



"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."


(Don't be late)

"I didn't mean to take up all your sweet time,
I'll give it right back to you one of these days.
I said, I didn't mean to take up all your sweet time,
I'll give it right back one of these days.
And if I don't meet you no more in this world, 
then I'll meet you in the next one.
Don't be late" //

happy new year!
capture by
with poetry by jimi hendrix
featuring leanna banana
as 'voodoo chile'



Masked Mermaid in Black by Salvador Dali, 1939


Dreams that take place underwater explore bringing into awareness what is unconscious...  Looking within yourself and exploring what goes on beneath the depths of your conscious self.  A hidden, secret growth or development that is occurring beyond the scope of your knowledge or understanding.  


Mermaids may symbolize love or the urge for intimacy arising from within.  The link between deep unconscious forces and the waking self.  The inner image or desire of womanhood or motherhood.  


Eggs may represent new life or the female ovum, respectively.  Purses may represent the female anatomy in this way.  Blood may also symbolize fertility.  Something wrapped in seaweed may show you something you hold dear, or could be something you are currently struggling with (an inner tangle of emotion or feeling).  A shark may symbolize the deepest unknown aspects of your subconscious, or alternatively, something you fear.  


(keep dreaming)



Wake up, it's christmas mourning.

(i'm seeing ghost.  red water, red water, red water, chase them away.)

"The Masque of the Red Death" by Odilon Redon, 1883


Merry Eve.

'Pretty as a wedding day / for what I wouldn't give / to be the chime inside your bell / or the whisper of white petals falling / the ones that graze your shoulders / or kiss your dreaming lids / they that vanish in the pale of your skin /
I swear I do, I fit right in' //

thank you Gustavo Rojas //
poetry of sleepless nights



"Hot cherry on Friday night,
when the sun goes down my spine.
I put an axe in my baby's head,
I'm gonna end up doing time.
She looks so good in red"



(Goodnight to all of those
who never receive a goodnight.)


premonitions in eights // (the delight in burning);

I hold much gratitude for these experiences.  All of them-- every moment of suffering, every iota of manipulation, every tear I shed for a lost cause-- and at the same time, I'm trying not to be completely hateful about the people and the places that brought me here-- because they too, had a part in it.  That is an important, albeit, difficult truth I must acknowledge to myself foremost before I proceed.     

And with this in mind, I'm attempting to put it behind me in the only way I know how.  Starting over again-- a new beginning entirely.  I am not afraid-- I was born to do this.  I'll delight to burn it all down; I'll rise once again from the ashes.
(Wish me luck).



I love you.

I love you not only for everything you are; but for all that you aspire to be.


Mad egun tea for you, for me.

"The reason you went through all that was so you could help and heal others through their own pain...
Try to heal yourself everyday, as best as you can, and we will do the rest."

A tea party often represents some stimulating idea, hope, person, or contact experienced.  It represents the change that can be made on behavior by inner energies.  

Celebrations of any represent light-heartedness, the desirous feeling of love/social acclaim/family togetherness.  

Ancestral indications represent the intricate web of cultural and family influences, physically and psychologically, that our bodies and personalities arose from.  

(You're getting closer).


"Light of Heart"

Did I dream that you dreamt of me?

Maybe we are a little bit in love.

"Enormity does not frighten me;
it is only among tremendous things that I feel happy and at ease.
It is only among tremendous things that I feel sad and at ease.
It is only among tremendous things that I feel at all.

- Edna St. Vincent Millay, from a diary entry

Full Gemini Moon, December 13, 2016 :::

Full Cold Moon in Gemini on December 13th during the early evening hours, will warm our blood with the very sight of her.  

During this moon, focus on what you would like more of in your life...  Hold the belief in your heart that it is already yours.  
Doubly manifest your dreams by holding them dear.  
remember they are alive.   

: : :

(I've been waiting so long)


It's gettin' near dawn,
When lights close their tired eyes.
I'll soon be with you my love,
To give you my dawn surprise.
I'll be with you darling soon,
I'll be with you when the stars start falling.
I've been waiting so long
To be where I'm going
In the sunshine of your love.
I'm with you my love,
The light's shinin' through on you.
Yes, I'm with you my love,
It's the morning and just we two.
I'll stay with you darling now,
I'll stay with you till my seas are dried up.
I've been waiting so long
To be where I'm going
In the sunshine of your love.
I'm with you my love,
The light's shinin' through on you.
Yes, I'm with you my love,
It's the morning and just we two.
I'll stay with you darling now,
I'll stay with you till my seas are dried up.
I've been waiting so long
To be where I'm going
In the sunshine of your love.


Blackbird Pie.

Dreaming of blackbirds symbolize "death" (an ending)-- or something significant in one's life that is in the process of coming to an end.  It could be some aspect of self is dying while another is being born.  Also could mean something we are unaware of but is just on the verge of coming into consciousness.  

Birds that are hatching from eggs symbolize our birth and infancy, or rebirth.  Something new and uplifting coming into life, or coming to life within us.  The nest symbolizes security; the womb; maternal urges.

The number five represents change; uncertainty; the unknown.  The unity that arises from the aspects of the Self.  

A gift depicts an intuition; unconscious knowledge; or something valuable received in a relationship... Such as support, self-worth, acceptance.  Sometimes a dream reminds us of the gift of life, and shows us how we might relate to it.  Fertility and the coming of child (birth of something) is always a wonderful gift.  


Temperamental as a star;

'she is present; mingled with the dark of night sky and the scent of rose garden after rain.  streaks of violet and gold, moody and sad from some mysterious ill unknown to her.  temperamental as a star.  born that way, with that blue in her eyes.'  //

// poetry


i wish

(i wish i were smaller under your hands).

// insomiadiary



2016//11//27, 1:22 p.m.


Thankful to be alive today.  Remembering how far I've come along.  Regardless of everything that I may struggle with, the daily battles with myself, the truth that where I am and where I eventually would like to be have a definite vast volume of space and time between them-- I am ever so lucky to have been given a second chance at life, and love, and everything else in between...  Everyday, but especially so today, on a very special anniversary.  Thank you to those of you who support my journey-- I couldn't have done it without you.  You know who you are.  



Everything happens for a reason.


(Heart Of Glass).

look at you my heart;
my little glass jar.


// insomniadiary


Ivy, ma chérie (You are a garden walking).

Intuits about plants suggest areas of progressive change in ones life, emerging personal qualities; any hidden growth that is manifesting beyond what we are able to perceive.  Many people go through the different stages of plant life in their dreams, some experience the whole cycle of the plant’s life; some find they grew to a certain place and stopped.

A plant cutting that you are going to plant may link with good and growing parts of yourself that you are looking for a life situation to ‘plant’ or experience them in.  It may thus depict a search for a caring and ‘fertile’ relationship.

Plant substance is very important in human life.  In medicine it is of utmost importance.  In a real sense, human life processes transforms plant substance into self awareness, and all the expressions of consciousness shine out.  In some dreams this transformation of earthy non-living substance into living sentience is shown by plants in our dreams. 


"Dreaming of plants can show the deeply unconscious physiological process, such as cell generation and digestion.  Problems which cannot move more fully into consciousness and so are held at this level and so become psychosomatic pains or illness. This becomes clearer if we consider human life in relationship with other life forms.  A plant for instance might have some sort of bacterial illness, but would not be able to bring that to awareness.  In a sense many things which occur to us, although they are very real and definite, never become a part of our conscious life, but always remain in the ‘plant’ level.  If they are to move from ‘deeply unconscious physiological process’ to becoming known consciously, there are stages such events go through – for example exploring the dream.

Like a plant which takes the varied minerals surrounding it, and through its living process transforms them into its own integrated being.  The plant does not become the mineral.  Neither is it shaped by the forms of what it takes up.  It is influenced, it is colored, but its process transforms.  The healthy human being can do likewise.  A major part of unconscious mental process is to do with taking experience and integrating it into a meaningful whole.  If we could trace how the development of such mental activity arose, we might find that it is a reappearance at another level of the process of digestion and absorption.  But events need to be experienced to become integrated.  We are an enormously sensitive and responsive living process.  Our whole being can respond to what we experience or learn– words too have tremendous power within us.  Often, however, we have unconsciously deadened our emotions and sensitivities, and we do not therefore properly ‘take in’ what we have experienced.  The cosmic figure of ancient China’s Pan Ku-shown covered in leaves to indicate, ‘That Cosmic Man (or First Man) simply existed, like a plant, grown in nature."


(additional reading)


$upermoon !

May abundance always be mine to have, to hold, to take comfort in.  

: : : 


Polly wants a cracker /
she's just as bored as me /
I think she wants some water /
to put out the blowtorch /

e.e. // kurdt cobain 



Writers, start writing.



It’s about work–the constant trying. You work and you love and try and maybe happiness finds you. You don’t aim for it. It finds you on the right street at the right time. You work and you study and you try and maybe it’s good or great-- sometimes bad. It’s rare to be great, but it can find you if you work. Life is work.
--Katherine Hepburn


Something otherworldly.

the heaviest white fog i have ever seen blankets the town where i sleep  (the kind of veil where you cannot see your hand held in front of you.  the kind of veil where everything you see looks like something else).


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